Please Join Me, And Use Me As Your Mirror.

7.23.2014

CLASS TIME (Review of the 10th and onto the 11th)


I am an eclectic one. A living lover at my best and when choosing fear...I grab onto pathways or where my heart guides me. There is not ONE way to anything...or a "definitive line" to source. Being programmed with a "cookie-cutter" mentality, I have WANTED one cut and dry way. Give it to me, God; you know that I will DO IT. Don't you know that I have always been a "good" little girl and do as I am told? Ahh...if it were only that easy.  Well, it is simple when we realize "It's only life after all," and to not take the craziness so seriously. 


The mind wants to scare the crap out of us, paralyzing, in fact. It gives us the illusion that our walls are talking and caving in on our heads. We have suddenly entered the Twilight Zone, destroying our lives and the choices we make. Fear is not something OUT THERE; it is created by us based on our life's contract and childhood. Our family and friends will often innocently validate our fears, making them "seem" more real. We will create more confusion and shut down. You will defend: But wait a second....I "feel" safe. Sorry friends, fear gives us the illusion of safety, and we will inevitably be stuck doing the same thing over and over. 


We are the creators of our life. Freewill to choose Love or Fear. Hot or cold. When we listen to Fear's thunder, it becomes a hurricane. When we hear Love's subtle whisper, it gets louder with patience and practice. Fear keeps us brooding like a child; it is the "Boogie Man" in the closet and we have forgotten to open the door. Love helps us grow up and become an adult, taking responsibility for our life. Man oh man, growing pains do hurt though. 



Let's review the 10th Pathway To A Higher Consciousness:


"I am continually calming the restless scanning of my rational mind in order to perceive the finer energies that enable me to unitively merge with everything around me."


I have used this pathway a lot this week, praying for the "finer energies" to lead me to the well of peace and serenity. 
I needed to LET GO, and then I heard. I was led to a song (at the end of blog) and to the answer I so desperately wanted. Thank you. I have made the decision to do something that I have NEVER done before. I will reveal it when the timing is right. And boy oh boy, will I have a lot to write. Life is becoming more exciting by the minute. Why? Because I am choosing...LOVE. 


I will need this next pathway to grab just in case I slide backwards...


11th Pathway: "I am creating the awareness that in choosing fear, I relinquish my joy of loving." 


With all my heart, 


Kathleen


"Closer I Am To Fine"














7.22.2014

Friends



"Who's Ever In Your Row, That's How You Know."


A witty one-liner my friend said to me today at lunch, and I bust out laughing. I immediately thought about whom I spend most of my time with, and that is a great barometer. I definitely have very loving people that care about my spiritual growth, encouraging me to be my big self by forgiving and seeing the innocence of others. Friends who are about taking responsibility and owning their camp (well, most of the time). Limiting gossip, finger-pointing, and blame. They work on most challenges, twisting them into a growing opportunity vs. a shit sandwich. I fight for my less-than-perfect BLT occasionally, bargaining with God while screaming: "WHY ME?" My girls don't allow me to spew for too long without that eminent look of, "How long are you going to play small?" Sure, I can look at some of my life's circumstances as crappy (and meet new friends who play in the mud, validating my fears while wallowing in the safety of "Misery Likes Company"), or I can choose to see that everything strengthens me to become more of my authentic divine self. Hmm...let's see...Victim or Thriver? A survivor is no longer an option for me. I swing both ways and that is just the way it is.



So, I encourage you all to SEE whom you are spending time with. This is not to judge; this is to observe. If you like what's in front of you, great!  If you don't, change is an option. This is one of the hardest parts of spiritual growth. It is very painful to see that your crowd is no longer your boogie (which does NOT make them wrong). And if you want your life to be different, you need to act and do life differently.


So, just to make things clear and avoid any miscommunication, I am NOT saying leave your friends if you don't like what you see. And, I would suggest that you take a closer look in the mirror.

Ghandi said it perfectly, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." The more you change; the phone may slowly stop ringing, AND....your true friends will love you no matter what. They will be happy for you. They may even want some of that magic that they possess, too.

 No right or wrong. Life is a class; the choice is yours.

With all my heart,

Kathleen






My Song- My Life.

A dedication from a close friend...she knows me well.




"Closer To Fine"
I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine







Seventh Pathway VLOG




We all have our preferences, and friendship works through differences with communication. No right or wrong way. Compromise with love, and create happiness either way. We spoke later, and are just going to let it flow and ask for no interruptions if we need it. Doesn't always mean we will get what we want, but at least we are putting out for it. Go for it, my friends; and then...LET GO!

Be Happy and Complete Yourself.

I need to figure out how to get creative without spending money. Why? Because the minute I get my hands on pretty material, I start salivating. I didn't intend on shopping yesterday in SLO, but when I sniffed out my bestie, working around the corner at my favorite clothing store in town (Coverings), I just had to pop in and say, "hello."

Little did I know that half the store was...40% off! What?!? Oh yeah, baby...it's ON! Something about creating outfits and loving on yourself, especially when single, brings out the happy in me. And boy was I HAPPY. Recently, I have lost some pounds (divorce diet), and I was enjoying every moment of my bestie and two other lovely woman oohing and awing over me. An untethered pleasure of mine. Why not? I deserve it.

Letting go of addictions to life being how I want it, does that sort of thing. One of my previous addictions is that people be happy. Is that a crime? Well, it is-against myself. It is not my job; it is theirs. All I can say is, I have done my best considering my programming. Once I remind myself that I cannot make anyone happy, I am free to move on. To be loving is to set our loved ones free (including ourselves) to create their/our own happy with or without a person. I would prefer to create happiness side by side with someone who loves me through my insecurities and unhappy moments. A partner who complements me versus completes me. And I will continue to put that desire out into the Universe, accepting what I need for my growth. All relationships (including romantic) are HERE for our spiritual growth from which to learn and grow. People (myself included) have really screwed themselves from the famous and oh-so romantic lines of: "You Complete Me; You Had Me At Hello."


Being a dyed in the wool romantic, made me a prime candidate for accepting this movie's Hollywood version of life. I have been a relationship junkie and was programmed to believe that it was my job to make others complete; that I actually had that sort of power. If I did enough cartwheels, I would finally receive love, proving to myself that I am worthy. Ha! What a joke on me. The problem is...I have worked too hard. Love is not to be earned, and we are worth love... just because. How is THAT for romantic? That we are loved because we breathe. That we are loved because we are spirit. Can you imagine what a love like that does? Orgasmic, if you ask me. I have finally learned my earth school lesson.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

With all my heart,

Kathleen

7.21.2014

Good-bye

I love the truth, even when it hurt like hell. Going face to face with our addictions ain't pretty. Nope. And, it always sets us free to fly.

Good-bye. 

7.20.2014

Going For It...




Lately, I have been getting out of my comfort zone and GOING FOR IT. Ahh...it feels sooo good to strip off my chunky gold "sweater" and get naked. My heart is sprinting, and I am wearing a smile with a twinkle of magic in my peeper. The only eye that counts: my third. I am willing to do something that I aborted three and a half years ago resulting from insecurity. Deep down I knew the three words "I am not enough" was swimming with a floaty in my jugular, but I didn't have the love to give. I drowned.

Here's the down-low: spirit called; I acknowledged "IT," I acted, I scared myself, I shut down. 

I told myself that I didn't care. I did. I made excuses and moved on. I had a plethora of rationalizations. They all made common sense; not one of them being spiritual. The timing is always perfect when it is presented; otherwise, it would not be gifted. Our job is to receive it or not.

------------------------- 

Knock, Knock, "Are You HERE Kathleen? It's Me, God." 

How about NOW?

Kathleen:

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I get a second chance? OMG! OMG! OMG! 

How could I forget? Well, I actually didn't. 

How could I ignore that the diamond presented had no inclusions? But, I did see the imperfections. I did. Especially, in me. Well, with my peepers.

Just out of nowhere the blessing appeared, it "seemed." I did manifest "IT," right? Well, it was too good to be true, and I did not understand the reason. Still don't.

My analytical Aquarian brain wants to make sense of it all. Oh, and NOW, please! Why me? Hmm...Why not me? I breathe, too. Well...what's the hook?

What will I be getting myself into? A whole new world, that is for sure.

How could I ignore your gift of grace? Is it too late? Well, better late than never. Right, God? RIGHT?

GOD: 

Are you going to continue to stare at your computer and judge yourself OR are you going to... GO FOR IT? 

Kathleen:

Uh...DUH! 

-----------------------

To be continued...

With all my heart,

Kathleen






7.17.2014

Be Kind... By Charles Bukowski


we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is. 

F.E.A.R.



Many years ago, I heard that F.E.A.R. stood for False Evidence Appearing Real. It was a quick acronym to grab when I was creating worry, anxiety, stress, blame...shall I go on? My hesitancy to create happiness was that my fears "seemed" soo REAL, and I needed to protect myself from the big bad wolf. My mind would prove that I am right and the wheels kept turning. 

There is nothing real about fear. We are simply living in the dream of earth school and have the tendency to take life and its challenges way too seriously. What is real about anger, blame, and hate? Nothing. It does not dwell in the house of Love. It will be banished when we don't buy into its lies. 

"Love endures all things and is forever." 

-Cinnamon Lofton

A friend of mine died two weeks ago. Someone at the funeral said that we don't know why she was taken so soon. My mentor gave me a look that said, there's peace in the awareness that living fully while we are alive has greater significance than when or how we die. Duh.

My question to you is this... "Are you LIVING?" 

Death is our greatest teacher, and I can finally say that I AM (most of the time) by changing what was not working for me and keeping the rest.

It is all about living life differently when you are making yourself sick and wanting to stay under the covers all. day. long. Yeah, that was me; I was exhausting myself. I was cranky and sick more often than not. Sore throats, stomach aches, and chronic hives when I hit thirty. Not to mention eye cancer (already twice). An eye that was shutting down so I could truly SEE the power of Love. What a gift. I had to get "sick and tired of being sick and tired" to take a leap of faith and change. UGH. It was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done to go through my triggers of telling myself subconsciously and consciously that I was not enough. And, I had nothing to lose. Life already sucked. I couldn't make people happy no matter how much I sold my soul, and I knew something within me was off. Very off. I also knew that life had to be better than this robotic path of doing the same thing over and over. Oh, and over. 

So, what am I doing differently? 

1. I AM going for possibilities vs probabilities. 

2. I AM seeing the innocence of people (including myself) who at times choose the illusion as we buy into the common path of "should vs could" and "right vs wrong" programming.

3. I AM finally being... me. And staying true to myself whether people "like" it or not.

4. I AM creating REAL friendships, and heart family based on love vs judgment, prejudice, and gossip. Friends who trust me with all their heart just because they do, giving me the space to learn my lessons and love me unconditionally. 

5. I AM breathing into the "Power Of ONE." One meaning Kathleen. Now, go put your name in there.  

6. I AM choosing love, welcoming life's opportunities from which to grow and learn. And when I don't? I forgive and create compassion for myself, and GET BACK UP. Lifting my head to the sky is all that matters. 

7. I AM seeing how some people (including professional healthcare givers) validate fears and box us into the probability more than encouraging us to put our big girl/boy pants on, take responsibility while empowering us to be the light of love that we are and take charge of our life. Thus, we stay a victim and miss out on the diamonds in the sky. Wanting the jewels is not enough. We can only give what we've got, and most people buy into the "We Are ONLY Human" cop-out. It "seems" easier to not take responsibility for our fears. And it is in the short run. 

And then...we either remember what we knew before we entered the bright lights of the maternity ward and pay it forward. Or we don't. 

Either way, we will celebrate and unite again. 

A big laugh we will have.

Until then, I bless you all.

With all my heart,
Kathleen





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